stimie.net

Wrong Usage

stimbus — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 15:18:41 +0000

A woman just left here upset because we wouldn’t take back a used can of compressed air. She complained that it burned her nose and throat when she tried to clean her teeth with it. She then wanted to know if we could come out to her house and install a camera in her 15 year old stereo that doesn’t work anymore. After rambling on about how she’d pay us to rake her yard she asked again if we’d take back the canned air that she used half of in an attempt to clean her teeth.

Sorry, I’m none of those people.

stimbus — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 23:16:30 +0000

After spending most of an hour just looking at the different cables we have hanging on a very small rack. The guy turns to me and says, “Timothy, is your name Alex?”

Ketchup Face Strikes Again

stimbus — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 18:55:43 +0000

A guy with ketchup smeared all over his face and a tater tot stuck to his collar walked in today. He asked if we could activate his phone. I explained that we do computer repair and really don’t work with cell phones. He then started to back towards the door while asking me where the nearest animal shelter was. I told where it was and he backed out the door with a very strange look on his face shaking his head no. When the door shut he howled like a wolf before he got on his moped and rode off.

Advice

stimbus — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 13:39:42 +0000

A guy walked in yesterday before we closed. He asked a few computer related questions. Then out of nowhere he said, “I need you to know this, it’s not just about making bubbles come out of the fake tobacco pipe when you blow on it. It’s about blowing a bubble or two out of your mouth after you’ve pulled the pipe out to impress the ladies.”

Giving Quotes 101

stimbus — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 20:34:08 +0000

A guy called in yesterday and explained that he had $450 to spend and wanted a laptop around $450. He then asked how much would that a laptop cost if it was around $450.

Straightforward Confusion

stimbus — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 20:26:30 +0000

An older woman walked in this morning. She seemed upset and asked, “Where is the guy in the brown shirt?” I explained to her that I was the only person here and she said, “You don’t have a brown shirt on. Where’s your brown shirt?” She then started to lift my shirt up so she could see if I was hiding a shirt underneath. I stopped her and asked if her there was anything I could help her with. She asked, “If I have the Quickbooks disk and I bring you my computer, can you install it for me?” I answered yes. She responded, “Well I can install it myself.” Then she walked out the door whistling for a dog that wasn’t there.

Took the words right out of my mouth.

stimbus — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 04:02:06 +0000

Today I watched a guy get solicited by some methy looking hooker in our parking lot. The guy declined in which her response was to cry and then yell at him. He walked into my work and said, “What kind of demonic hokey pokey is that shit?”

I confused…

stimbus — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 20:02:57 +0000

This morning a guy just asked me, “This isn’t a computer?” As he waves around a DVD movie of Monsters Inc.

I really got to find a new job.

stimbus — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 14:21:59 +0000

While cleaning what looked like human feces from the side walk in front of our store. A man in a suit walked up to me and asked me if I would help him take his pants off. An argument ensued after I declined and ended with the guy leaving the parking lot saying, “I guess I’ll have to take my own pants off. thanks for nothing cock sucker.”

Indoor Voice Please

stimbus — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 15:50:28 +0000

A guy of possible homeless status opened the door and stuck his head in. He screamed, “Hey, listen to me!” I turned abruptly to see what the guy was going to do. As soon as I look at him he says, “If you said hello to the world, would the world say hello back? Think about that shit.”