« Posts by stimbus

Ketchup Face Strikes Again

A guy with ketchup smeared all over his face and a tater tot stuck to his collar walked in today. He asked if we could activate his phone. I explained that we do computer repair and really don’t work with cell phones. He then started to back towards the door while asking me where the nearest animal shelter was. I told where it was and he backed out the door with a very strange look on his face shaking his head no. When the door shut he howled like a wolf before he got on his moped and rode off.


A guy walked in yesterday before we closed. He asked a few computer related questions. Then out of nowhere he said, “I need you to know this, it’s not just about making bubbles come out of the fake tobacco pipe when you blow on it. It’s about blowing a bubble or two out of your mouth after you’ve pulled the pipe out to impress the ladies.”

Giving Quotes 101

A guy called in yesterday and explained that he had $450 to spend and wanted a laptop around $450. He then asked how much would that a laptop cost if it was around $450.

Straightforward Confusion

An older woman walked in this morning. She seemed upset and asked, “Where is the guy in the brown shirt?” I explained to her that I was the only person here and she said, “You don’t have a brown shirt on. Where’s your brown shirt?” She then started to lift my shirt up so she could see if I was hiding a shirt underneath. I stopped her and asked if her there was anything I could help her with. She asked, “If I have the Quickbooks disk and I bring you my computer, can you install it for me?” I answered yes. She responded, “Well I can install it myself.” Then she walked out the door whistling for a dog that wasn’t there.

Took the words right out of my mouth.

Today I watched a guy get solicited by some methy looking hooker in our parking lot. The guy declined in which her response was to cry and then yell at him. He walked into my work and said, “What kind of demonic hokey pokey is that shit?”

I confused…

This morning a guy just asked me, “This isn’t a computer?” As he waves around a DVD movie of Monsters Inc.

I really got to find a new job.

While cleaning what looked like human feces from the side walk in front of our store. A man in a suit walked up to me and asked me if I would help him take his pants off. An argument ensued after I declined and ended with the guy leaving the parking lot saying, “I guess I’ll have to take my own pants off. thanks for nothing cock sucker.”

Indoor Voice Please

A guy of possible homeless status opened the door and stuck his head in. He screamed, “Hey, listen to me!” I turned abruptly to see what the guy was going to do. As soon as I look at him he says, “If you said hello to the world, would the world say hello back? Think about that shit.”

You might want to slow down there bud…

A guy who we had to open both doors so he could fit in, just asked me if I knew where to buy “a desk that you eat off of”. I tried to clarify by asking him if he was looking for a dinner table. He responded with “yes that’s it, it’s starting to hurt my feet to stand up and eat all the time”.

Screw you doughnut charity guy!

This guy of rather questionable credentials comes in first thing this morning. He’s carrying 4 or 5 boxes of doughnuts. He claims to be from some organization that needs money for children’s cancer research. He’s also eating something and talking with his mouth full.

The box of doughnuts was only $2 so I decided why not. He leaves the box and thanks me on behalf of the children. I leave the box out to share with my boss. My boss just walked in and opened the box. I hear him yell, “What the fuck”. I run over the look and two of the doughnuts have already had a bite taken out of them. My boss is complaining to me, thinking I’ve taken a bite out of the doughnuts and just put them back in the box.